Retail robots. No more.
Hell no.
I have decided with all the actual heavy stuff going on in the world that my time is best spent trying to make a positive difference in those areas where I can. I think that is my responsibility as an American citizen, a citizen of the world and as a follower of Jesus, not that the followers of Jesus exclusively take on those ethical kinds of tasks.
Toward that end, I will be taking certain proactive steps beginning immediately.
As of today, I will no longer answer more than two rounds of questions from a telephone robot trying to get me “the team member most qualified” to help. (What this literally means is, you’ll be connected to someone who just began working there today OR for more weighty issues someone who made it to day two on the job.) If it’s not clear to whom I need to speak I’m out. Not just regarding taking care of the issue at hand but in terms of doing business with that retailer at all.
I’ll consider answering up to two additional rounds of questions if they involve my sex life. I’m willing to make this concession because answering questions about my sex life causes me to believe for a minute or two that i have one.
Robot: Are you calling about video games?
Me: Hell no.
Robot: Are you calling about the order you placed with us on July 4, 2022.
Me: Connect me to the damn manager.
Robot: I do not recognize your words.
Me: Of course you do because every other customer who calls here uses just those words.
Robot: Is there anything else I can help you with?
Me: What do you mean else? As if you’ve helped me with anything at all. I’m out you digital dumbass. I’d rather wait on a kind Amish farmer at ETSY to whittle a laptop for me out of repurposed wagon wheels than waste another breath on Best Lie Freak Squad.